“Stephen, Stephen….” calls my mother as I let myself into her house upon returning from work. She had something to tell me!
As usual I felt excitement at the prospect of her having possibly bought me something from shopping (I’m still 6 at heart!) or having something interesting to show me. Although to be fair, the last time she hollered me into the living room with excitement I entered to her holding up two fingers and smirking…. Funny!
But this time, it was about a boring television show she had seen.
“I’ve just watched a show saying that left-handers are better than right-handers!”
Yep, that was it.
Then followed a minute of awkward silence where she was waiting for some sort of praise for learning such a fact, whereas I was talking the sixty seconds to ponder whether an early visit to an old people’s home would be best for her.
I genuinely have no idea what she was expecting me to say. We’re both lefties so it hardly warranted a ‘ha ha, I win’ moment.
She went on, unfortunately, to explain that a series of (arguably flawed and biased) ‘scientific’ tests had been undertaken leading Richard Hammond and the BBC to believe that left-handers are better than right-handers. Apparently we [lefties] are able to use right-handed gizmos (due to the fact we’ve learned to use them) as well as left-handed items (due to the fact we’re, erm, left-handed)…. whereas right-handers struggled with the lefty stuff. I think she mentioned something like you use the opposite side of your brain to your choice of hands and the right side of the brain is ‘stronger’ than the left. Understand? Stone cold evidence, huh?
And whether you understand or not, the conversation bored me to death.
I do however quite like the fact I’m a lefty. I guess I’ve always liked those things about me that make slightly more unique than the next average Joe from the street. Like the fact I’m Welsh. There are only three million of us on the whole planet. Cool huh?
As well as this I heard another fact that claimed lefties die, on average, 8 years earlier than righties. Going on this fact, I might as well take up smoking as they only die 5 years earlier than their non-smoking counter-moral counterparts.
This morbid fact brings me on nicely to my next ‘deathly’ fact. Check out these headlines that have graced our morning trips to newsagents repeatedly over the last few years:
Transfats, cancer, obesity…. P**s off!
Look at this pile of edible s**t too…. Natural News
It just seems like people are being scare-mongered into eating whatever ‘they’ want us to eat. And only recently have I read that fruit and veg’ five times per day can actually be of more ‘damage’ to you than previously thought. What the f**k?
What are you going to plump on me next? That drinking eight glasses of water every day is pointless too? Hold on, what? Are you serious? BBC News Article
The only way anything to do with eating is going to have an adverse affect on my health is if I either eat badger beaks, chicken lips or rabbit wings…. or if I stab myself repeatedly in the face accidentally with a right-handed spork.
Eat what you bloody well like – it gives you a smiley face…. See! 🙂